18 ⚓ Video ⚓ Let the bard sing what he has a mind to

[hearrrtofgold]

The Admiral appears to be running on a Julian calendar – thank God – which is pretty standard for most of us. And for those who don’t know: our new year starts at midnight in two days. So we’ve got another upcoming holiday and a bar. We could have karaoke. [He says it with the salacious, promising tone in which one might say "public sex" or "veal."]

Let me know if this sounds good. And if anyone has ideas, or wants help put things together, whatever, let me know that too. Just CC me on anything to do with this, really.

Comments

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

Good.

[It's the absolute last thing he should say, but it's out of his mouth before he can stop himself.]

I'm sorry. It's just -- I hate that guy.

Re: spam

[dinosize]

So do I.

[ But it didn't feel good. ]

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

It still doesn't make it worth it, does it. Even if it needs to be done.

spam

[dinosize]

[ A flash of a grimace. Stephen shakes his head. ]

I keep seeing the look on his face.

[ He looks to Duke, something almost pleading in his expression. Is there a way to get that to go away? Duke would know, if he's done this before. ]

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

[Duke looks back at Stephen, meeting his eyes; he sighs deeply and takes a swig of his drink. There aren't easy answers in this situation, but he'll share what he's learned, even in in the likely case that it won't help.]

The guy I killed -- it's a long story, and if I didn't do it if lots of other people would've died. It's sometimes necessary. [He taps two fingers against his own neck, the same place as Stephen's scar.] In self-defense, or others' defense.

But I was so angry. It came to that, and I couldn't -- I didn't look at him when I did it. I couldn't. But I remembered what it felt like to kill him, and it made me sick.

[He tries to shrug off the tension with a little hint of a laugh.] So I got wasted. The next day, I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Meditated, then tried to keep busy. To help people, maybe... prove to myself I wasn't a bad person.

spam

[dinosize]

[ He's listening. He might even be hanging on the words.

A twitch of his head to the side, and he waves a hand, indicating his surroundings. ]

I think I've proven I am.

[ A bad person. He wouldn't be an inmate otherwise. ]

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

No, you're not. [He says it with complete easy conviction, as if correcting a math problem.] A bad person wouldn't react like you are. A bad person wouldn't be bothered by it.

spam

[dinosize]

Fine: not good, not bad.

But what I did matters more than what I think about it.

[ And he's now beat the living shit out of Vex, and nearly killed Jerry. More violence than he's committed in his entire life. ]

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

You just described the entire human race.

You think so? I mean, back home, maybe, but here? It's not... final.

spam

[dinosize]

So no one should care?

He didn't die. He would have bled out, but the doctors found him.

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

No. Everyone should care, but no one's ever going to escape being a partly-bad person. All you can do is try to make yourself better.

Do you reg... [He trails off; of course he does.] Do you know why you regret it?

spam

[dinosize]

[ Honestly - no, he doesn't.

He shakes his head. ]

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

[He reaches out to lay a hand on Stephen's arm. It's a question no one can answer for him, and he squeezes gently before drawing back.]

That's how I felt too.

Did you ever - before this, did you ever think you might've been okay doing this kind of thing to someone who threatened you?

spam

[dinosize]

[ The touch seems to relax him, just a little. ]

Shooting was what I thought.

spam

[hearrrtofgold]

Would it have been easier if you used a gun?

spam

[dinosize]

Less personal, maybe.