hearrrtofgold | 18 ⚓ Video ⚓ Let the bard sing what he has a mind to

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18 ⚓ Video ⚓ Let the bard sing what he has a mind to

The Admiral appears to be running on a Julian calendar – thank God – which is pretty standard for most of us. And for those who don’t know: our new year starts at midnight in two days. So we’ve got another upcoming holiday and a bar. We could have karaoke. [He says it with the salacious, promising tone in which one might say "public sex" or "veal."]

Let me know if this sounds good. And if anyone has ideas, or wants help put things together, whatever, let me know that too. Just CC me on anything to do with this, really.

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Well, crap.

[Private]

What happened? And is it bad enough to keep someone from visiting with a shipment of beer?

Don't think I'm forbidden visitors.

[ But he's a little afraid to talk about what happened. He doesn't quite know how to phrase it. ]

Then I'll be there in a minute.

[With the beer. It'll either make things sound much better or much worse.]

Thanks.

[ Honestly, he could use the break from the boredom.

He gives the number of his cabin. It'll be unlocked. The inside is - sterile. White walls, simple furniture, no clutter. It's an efficiency, one room that subdivides into a living room with a bed, and a kitchen. ]

[Within ten minutes Duke is there, bringing a twelve-pack (they can get drunk, but not senselessly so) and stepping inside with a bit of surprise. Stephen didn't seem the sort to keep things this, well, blank.]

Cable guy.

Oh, good, can you get me the extra channels?

[ A little bit of snark, but something in Stephen is scared and diminished. He's shocked by what happened. He seems a little smaller. ]

Only the German ones.

[Duke keeps the snark up but notices Stephen's... timidness is not quite the word, but he seems rather like an animal that's just been kicked. He opens the box, grabs a bottle, pops the metal top off with his lighter, and hands it over.] Happy New Year, two days early.

You're useless, I'd like to speak to your manager.

[ He takes the beer, drinks, makes a gesture. ] Make yourself at home. { There is a couch and all. It's nice furniture. Everything here seems a little too nice and clean for Stephen, but it's his, it's his apartment from home.

He's not messy. As a child, he would keep his bedroom this tidy. He doesn't really know why.

Clears his throat, lowering himself to the couch. ] I didn't mean to dodge the question. I just don't know how... [ The question about what happened, he means. And he has a difficult time putting it all into words. Why it happened, he still doesn't know - it was all so lightning fast, the way he moved, the way he reacted. Reflexes, or desires without conscious input. It scares him. ]

[It's not exactly the coziest place, but Duke grabs a drink for himself and, after opening it, stretches his lanky form out over the couch.

By no means does he intend to press Stephen, but there's too much left hanging to leave unprompted.] How?...

[ A shake of his head. ]

Have you ever killed anyone?

[Duke stiffens, face a little darker, and takes another sip.]

Yes.

I haven't.

I hunt. I've killed animals. But I don't - I don't hurt people like that.

[ He winces, a little, ducking his head. ]

I didn't before I came here.

[He nods; he knows these thoughts, and he knows the shock following a first kill. (He still has to scrub the word murder from the forefront of his mind.)]

What happened?

[ Tilts his head to the side a little, rubbing a scar on the side of his neck. It's relatively fresh. ]

The mistletoe. It caught me and the vampire at the same time. Jerry. I had a knife.

I didn't think.

Good.

[It's the absolute last thing he should say, but it's out of his mouth before he can stop himself.]

I'm sorry. It's just -- I hate that guy.

So do I.

[ But it didn't feel good. ]

It still doesn't make it worth it, does it. Even if it needs to be done.

[ A flash of a grimace. Stephen shakes his head. ]

I keep seeing the look on his face.

[ He looks to Duke, something almost pleading in his expression. Is there a way to get that to go away? Duke would know, if he's done this before. ]

Edited 2015-01-02 04:15 (UTC)

[Duke looks back at Stephen, meeting his eyes; he sighs deeply and takes a swig of his drink. There aren't easy answers in this situation, but he'll share what he's learned, even in in the likely case that it won't help.]

The guy I killed -- it's a long story, and if I didn't do it if lots of other people would've died. It's sometimes necessary. [He taps two fingers against his own neck, the same place as Stephen's scar.] In self-defense, or others' defense.

But I was so angry. It came to that, and I couldn't -- I didn't look at him when I did it. I couldn't. But I remembered what it felt like to kill him, and it made me sick.

[He tries to shrug off the tension with a little hint of a laugh.] So I got wasted. The next day, I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Meditated, then tried to keep busy. To help people, maybe... prove to myself I wasn't a bad person.

[ He's listening. He might even be hanging on the words.

A twitch of his head to the side, and he waves a hand, indicating his surroundings. ]

I think I've proven I am.

[ A bad person. He wouldn't be an inmate otherwise. ]

No, you're not. [He says it with complete easy conviction, as if correcting a math problem.] A bad person wouldn't react like you are. A bad person wouldn't be bothered by it.

Fine: not good, not bad.

But what I did matters more than what I think about it.

[ And he's now beat the living shit out of Vex, and nearly killed Jerry. More violence than he's committed in his entire life. ]

You just described the entire human race.

You think so? I mean, back home, maybe, but here? It's not... final.

So no one should care?

He didn't die. He would have bled out, but the doctors found him.

No. Everyone should care, but no one's ever going to escape being a partly-bad person. All you can do is try to make yourself better.

Do you reg... [He trails off; of course he does.] Do you know why you regret it?

18 ⚓ Video ⚓ Let the bard sing what he has a mind to

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